When you set them for the right reasons, boundaries help you protect and guide your child so that she stays safe and picks up the fundamentals of how to get on in life. To determine what warrants your attention — and justifies a battle — just ask yourself these four key questions:
Will these rules keep my child from getting hurt?
Safety-based boundaries keep her secure in this world by making sure she doesn't harm herself or others. A few examples:
• Don't play with matches.
• Hold my hand when crossing the street.
• Pet the dog gently.
• Sit in the car seat.
• Don't hit.
Will these limits teach my child right from wrong?
Certain rules help a child develop moral values and personal integrity. Useful ones that fall into this category:
• Tell the truth.
• Pay for what you take.
• Don't cheat.
• Don't call people nasty names.
Will these rules make my child easier to get along with?
Expecting her to respect the feelings and rights of others teaches her to get along with people and grow into a well-adjusted adult. Some to consider in this vein:
• Share the candy with your brother.
• Wait and take your turn.
• Don't grab someone's toy. Ask for it.
• Say "Excuse me" to get my attention.
• Thank Grandma for the gift.
Will these boundaries give my child a sense of responsibility?
Kids need to learn to take charge of their lives and pull their own weight — these are critical life skills for their well-being and yours. Plus, they make family life run more smoothly and let kids understand their role in the household. Rules on responsibility might include:
• Brush your teeth every night.
• Do your homework before you watch TV.
• Help pick up the toys.
• Set the table.
• Wash your hands before meals.
